A Guide to Being A Submissives in the BDSM Lifestyle


Swingers who are comfortable with participating in the lifestyle sometimes find themselves digging a bit deeper into the kink to explore the BDSM lifestyle. While this type of sex play has been popularized by the 50 Shades of Grey series, there’s a lot more to dom/sub play done off the big screen. Typically, there’s no contract involved and submissives don’t give over full control per se.

Let’s explore why subs love what they do and their daddy doms that provide them with both pain and pleasure.

A Greater Feeling of Equality

While it sounds contradictory to being involved in sub/dom play, people involved in BDSM tend to have a strong sense of equality even though roles can be reversed during sexual acts. It’s true that some go to greater levels of control, but in general, most subs are in control. The fact is, submissives are not weak or insecure in any form, but merely get off on giving over their control for a chance to experience greater heights of ecstasy in their private lives. No one should ever feel dominated unwillingly, and if it comes to that level the relationship can become unhealthy.

Better Trust and Communication with Dom/Sub Play

Anyone in the lifestyle understands the importance of trust and communication. It’s basically a necessity for those who make the choice to enter into swinging and especially in BDSM relationships. Submissives still need to be heard, loved and feel confident in their Dom. Subs must communicate with their partners willingly which builds greater trust between them that can be more powerful than a traditional relationship.

Getting Your Needs Met in the Lifestyle

When someone signs up for a submissive type of relationship, it might seem that they are putting another’s needs before their own. However, if a dominant partner is giving you what you need, it becomes a mutual relationship. Subs often find their pleasure escalated when they’re striving to be obedient, so it’s kind of like getting the best of both worlds. That being said, some couples prefer to role swap in BDSM play and allow their partner to become the shot caller when the mood strikes.

The Inciting Feeling of Power Exchanges

Submissives are often busy people with full time jobs, families and outside responsibilities. Sometimes it feels relieving to not have to be in control all the time, especially in the bedroom. Giving a partner power for a while doesn’t have to be all about sex, but more often than not it leads into this territory. However it’s agreed upon by participants, it’s essential to be on the same page and in tune with one another about how far the power exchange role will go and determine a duration unless you plan on being a full on sub.

Choosing What’s Right for Your Relationship

Just because it’s sexually exciting, these types of relationships are not typically all wine and roses, as problems can arise if communications and agreements aren’t respected. However, those who love dom/sub play can make it work as long as there is respect and guidelines in place.


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6 Lessons Swingers Can Teach Monogamous Couples About Marriage

swinger couples

While the swingers lifestyle isn’t for everyone, many committed swinger couples report having happier and more fulfilling relationships. In fact, many claim that swinging ’saved’ their relationship thanks to the numerous lessons to be learned by partner swapping experiences.

Here are six key lessons that swinging can bring to light.

1. Swinger Couples Have Honesty Requirements

Swinging calls for an abundance of trust between participants and lying is simply not tolerated. Couples find that they become more honest and open with their feelings and desires once they enter the lifestyle. As with a traditional marriage, getting caught in lies breaks trust while complete transparency can lead to a stronger relationship that’s healthy enough to thrive as swingers.

2. Communication Benefits of Swinging

Along with that honesty, you are likely to find yourself communicating better about all aspects of your life, even things not relating to your relationship. We all know that resolutions for arising issues can only be handled with open and honest communication between both parties, but despite that, there are sure to be plenty of sexual adventures to share along the way, too.

3. Prioritizing Partners Becomes Natural

The act of sharing your partner with others will certainly keep you mindful of your love and adoration for them. Never put your partner in second place, and if possible be sure and take the time to balance playtime, career and home by staying in touch with your ‘real world’ endeavors.

4. You’ll Learn to Be More Grateful

Not everyone has a partner willing to embrace the swingers lifestyle, so it’s important to keep in mind their generosity and be appreciative of their playful side. Many couples actually claim to have fallen in love with each other all over again thanks to the perks that come with vouyerism, partner sharing or swapping. Be grateful you have these opportunities.

5. Keeping Up Your Appearance

Not all swingers are hotties, but it certainly doesn’t hurt to be mindful of your health and looks not only for yourself or to attract other couples, but to stay attractive for your primary partner. You’ll also find yourself more confident when you are proud of how you look and feel as opposed to letting yourself go.

6. Learning to Be More Giving

No matter what, each partner should have the opportunity to be a wee bit selfish while their partner spoils them from time to time. It is pivotal to always ensure that your spouse comes first, but you’ll also have to put your needs at the top of the list, too. Trying to give more than being the receiver is a powerful way to grow stronger in your commitment to each other.

Final Thoughts for Swinging Marriages

Even a vanilla marriage will have trials and tribulations, and success requires hard work. Keep in mind, that it takes a strong and secure couple to make swinging work, as it’s not a solution for a troubled marriage. Use the lifestyle to enhance what you already have going right in your relationship, and you’re sure to see significant emotional growth as a couple.

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