Ask John & Jackie: Being a Unicorn Girlfriend Within the Life-style

We’ve bought TWO burning questions at the moment from our readers:

Query #1

Expensive John & Jackie:

I’m new to the life-style and I’m a unicorn. A pair has expressed wanting me to turn into their girlfriend and to be trustworthy I don’t know what this entails… I’m drawn to each of them however what are the traces with this. I like being a unicorn, I’ve been assembly and connecting with numerous {couples}, however I really feel intoxicated round this couple. I simply don’t know if being their girlfriend is one thing sensible or not.

Unicorn Girlfriend


Expensive Unicorn Girlfriend,

Welcome to the life-style! As I’m positive you recognize, unicorns within the life-style are an necessary element and identical to with another like minded particular person, all of us simply need to have the ability to categorical ourselves in an genuine method. The great thing about our authenticity is it’s uniqueness. You get to tailor make you and no matter relationship you need. There isn’t a set rule or tips, however are pushed by what brings you peace and contentment.

In case you are on this couple, then it is very important perceive the parameters from either side. What are your expectations? What are theirs? Realizing your boundaries is one other necessity. You by no means wish to hand over your consolation stage due to another person. Chances are you’ll discover this couple intoxicating, however is that this actually what you need? It’s okay if it’s not. With the ability to say Sure and no are each very important to your individual self-worth, which I’m positive you already know.

Do what’s greatest for you.



Query #2

Expensive John & Jackie,

My spouse and I are exploring the life-style. We’re each new to it and my spouse met a person on-line and have/had been speaking. They lastly met after a while and the connection grew to become bodily. The male acknowledged he was in an open relationship along with his spouse. However lengthy of quick it’s been over seven months and he nonetheless has not instructed his “spouse” about her and us (truple) being collectively. Your ideas and opinions could be appreciated.

New to the life-style


Expensive New to the Life-style,

One factor I seen in your e mail to us was the next, “the male acknowledged he was in an open relationship along with his spouse.” The subsequent sentence then goes on to say, “he has not instructed his spouse about us.” Since you supply me no different clarification as to the breakdown of this man’s “open” relationship along with his spouse, I discover myself suspicious of his motives.

Sure, there are a mess of definitions in relation to how {couples} function inside an open relationship. Some companions are extra participating with others, some wish to be instructed all about their companion’s play companions, and nonetheless others don’t wish to know a factor. You sound uncertain which choice if any of them your male play companion falls underneath.

The factor is, no matter this man’s actions, the place you really want to focus your consideration is on the boundaries you and your spouse have set in place. It’s not a lot whether or not this man is taking part in with or with out the consent of his companion (which if he isn’t then that sucks) however whether or not you wish to play with somebody that leaves you questioning. For those who and your spouse are uncomfortable with the scenario then it’s your accountability to talk up.

Realizing and honoring the boundaries you and your spouse have set, as an illustration, “we aren’t going to play with others who are usually not actively revealing play data to their companion” is an empowering gesture the 2 of you make within the safety of your values. Being clear about intentful play can also be a technique to present respect to one another and to potential play companions.

For those who’re uncertain about this man’s conduct then ask him. If the reply doesn’t fall consistent with your individual play boundaries, don’t shrink back from saying so. Higher the 2 of you get pleasure from playtime with others from the standpoint of peace, then to interact with those that depart you questioning. Studying to set boundaries is a course of, be affected person with yourselves as you turn into extra seasoned in your open relationship.

Keep in mind this questioning of others isn’t about blame or anger, however of the intentful accountability the 2 of you may have accepted in making a tailor made partnership with one another. Chances are you’ll even be an exquisite instance to this man of how lovely a really open and trustworthy relationship could be.

You’ve bought this!


How John Confronted His Way of life Fears – Podcast Episode #16

Looks as if we at all times speak about Jackie’s journey by concern, however this time John has the ground on this podcast to share HIS story of what fears he needed to encounter on this way of life and the way he walked by it.

Take heed to this episode under, Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, Spotify, or in your favourite podcast platform!

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Students of the Swingers Lifestyle


While swinging on a swing set, one propels themselves back and forth across a starting point axis. However, swaying is when one only moves gradually across that same threshold, only to return to the axis point as the motion ceases. The latter is the methodology of individuals known amid the swinging lifestyle as ‘flip-floppers’ or more commonly, ‘swayers.’

Swayers are typically ‘vanilla’ but may dabble with soft swapping types of experiences on special occasions or as they feel the inclination to sway across their normal sexual boundaries for a short period. Many simply want to ‘test drive’ the lifestyle by trying it out to see if it’s a good fit for their relationship or personal interests. Here are some potential benefits and drawbacks of swaying rather than full-on swinging.

Practical Benefits of Swaying

Those unfamiliar with the swingers lifestyle may want to be a part of this sex-positive community without dealing with some complications that can accompany being a newbie or being a full-timer. Some consider swaying to be a hall pass to explore the swinging lifestyle without committing for couples seeking some extracurricular fun intermittently. Essentially, by keeping playtime limited to soft-swaps or even on a voyeuristic level is an option for couples not looking to share partners regularly. It’s also viable for those who want to avoid jealous tendencies that can accompany full-on partner swapping.

The Potential Drawbacks of Swaying

Being a dabbler can have its hangups, too, as swayers are often poorly prepared to handle the strong communication efforts required for successful sexual exploits with people outside the relationship. And swingers know that just one misunderstanding can lead to months of arguments and even result in broken relationships. Another challenge swayers face is a certain level of hesitancy from full-on lifestyle participants, as many don’t want to be teased or led on by part-timers seeking to selfishly only spice up their own sex life.

Case in point, it’s okay to sway, just be sure to communicate to potential playmates your level of interest and any ‘rules’ you’ve set up before even trying to meet up. Many swayers often discover other swingers that are very open to soft play, especially to new lifestyle explorers and students seeking to learn.


Top Misconceptions About Swingers & The Lifestyle in General

swingers lifestyle misconceptions

Regardless of the wealth of information about the swingers lifestyle in general available online, there are still dozens of misconceptions held by non-participators. Here are some common myths about swingers … READ MORE

Soft Swap In The Swingers Lifestyle Explored

Soft Swap

While many misunderstand its meaning, a soft swap can be a great introduction to the swingers lifestyle. Soft play is a way of easing into partner sharing, but many swinging couples strictly stick with this ‘softer side.’ In a hard swap—aka a full swap—the possibilities for penetration are only limited by boundaries set by participants. … Continue reading Soft Swap In The Swingers Lifestyle Explored→


The mystery of being in an open relationship is what attracts most couples to the lifestyle. Most couples get into the swinger lifestyle out of curiosity. They indulge their curiosity by watching videos together or by sharing wild fantasies with…

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She Wants a Butch…He Wants a Fem

Even the strongest couples amid the swingers lifestyle can run into differences concerning their preferences when it comes to play time.

Fortunately, most of them can be worked out, including situations in which the couple wants an FFM threesome but their tastes in women varies tremendously.

It’s more common than you think, and it’s typically that she wants a butchy woman while he wants the ultra-hot fem.

Read on to explore some ways to find resolution acceptable for everyone.

Who’s Sleeping With Her Anyway?

In an FFM arrangement, there is initially no intention of the male engaging sexually with the other female, so his interest in her looks should be minimal at best.

Sure, he might like to see a hot woman with his partner, but isn’t swinging more about allowing our partner’s to fulfill their own fantasies rather than our own selfish needs? Men should give strong consideration to their partner’s acceptance of them sleeping with hot women, and let their lady choose her own passion.

Meet in the Middle

In this situation, both the man and woman in the relationship might be jumping the gun in determining who ‘their’ type is. Many couples who boldly delve into playing with a third that falls outside their categorical type are often surprised at how enjoyable the experience is and discover new doors for sensual fun opening.

Men may discover that they actually love seeing a ‘manly’ participant taking charge of their partner and are turned on even more than seeing a hottie with their woman. In turn, women who prefer masculine women may find that the sensuality offered by a sexy unicorn is more gratifying than they believed possible.

The bottom line, if you just can leap from one end of the spectrum of feminine to butch, consider heading for the middle row where the tomboyish ‘chapstick’ types of ladies are found. Just remember what the experience is all about, and most importantly what the swingers lifestyle is all about–being open to new experiences and acceptance.

FFM Threesomes

Different types of threesomes and the benefits

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If you are interested in doing a threesome or learning the ropes, here are some things to consider before a threesome. The idea of a ménage à trois may be simultaneously the most exciting and intimidating thought for many men….


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There tend to be quite a number of acronyms tossed around in the swinging lifestyle…ones that often confuse both novices and experienced swingers. Four such acronyms include: MMF, FFM, MFM and FMF. This isn’t surprising because most three letter acronyms seen in lifestyle ads are specific to a ‘type’ of partner being sought or one … Continue reading FFM, MMF, MFM, FMF…What’s The Difference in Swinging?→

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The BDSM Lifestyle — A Punishing Look at Sadism and Masochism

BDSM Lifestyle

BDSM…four letters lusciously getting more attention lately. So what exactly does this acronym mean?

We’re going to tell you what BDSM couples in the lifestyle predominantly think—particularly about the realms of sadism and masochism—but before delving into the wit and wisdom of those ‘in the know,’ here’s the Webster’s Dictionary’s definition:

Masochism: “A term that refers to various forms of play including bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, sadism and masochism.”

For this post, we’ll focus on sadism and masochism, or S/M or S&M as it’s often called.

What is Sadism?

Individuals who enjoy the act of inflicting pain onto others are known as sadists. Essentially, being sadistic—either sexually or otherwise—is how such individuals obtain heightened levels of pleasure.

Fun Fact: The term sadism came into use due to the erotic writings of Marquis de Sade, a writer and French nobleman who had extreme deviances and sexual preferences for brutality.

What is Masochism?

Masochism can also be sexual in nature or not, and it refers to individuals who derive pleasure through pain. This suffering may be inflicted upon them by another person—often a sadist—or it may be self-inflicted. These pain lovers are called masochists, and it’s not uncommon for them to also be sadists, as well.

Fun Fact: Writer Sacher Masoch’s novel Venus in Fur and many others feature this sexual predisposition, and the word ‘masochism’ was derived from his name.

So Where Does Sadomasochism Come Into Play?

As a portmanteau of the words sadism and masochism, sadomasochism literally describes one who gets off by both receiving and giving pain. In most cases, sadomasochistic behaviors are almost always sexual in nature.

Sadists and masochists employ an array of ‘tools’ in their BDSM lifestyle play such as:

  • Biting
  • Handcuffs
  • Bondage
  • Spanking/Flogging
  • Verbal Humiliation
  • Clothespins

While all this may sound overwhelming, many BDSM couples and even newcomers find that combining power, sex and pain can actually translate into a healthy part of their relationships.


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How to Be a Dominatrix

How to Be a Dominatrix

As you may already know, “Dominatrix” is a term used to describe a woman that is dominant, be it in a sexual or romantic relationship. Also referred to as a “mistress”, the dominatrix takes the leadership role during sexual intercourse as she dominates the man, who is commonly known as a “slave”. In this case, … Continue reading How to Be a Dominatrix→


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Getting Creative as a Couple at Home

As we find ourselves spending more quality time with our significant others, it’s important to carve out time to reconnect as a couple.

Finding new and erotic ways to keep our partners turned on and fulfilled is one way to take advantage of extra time together.

One way to add some spice to your relationship is by being creative with things that can be found at home.

From touching and teasing with hot and cold, to using sensual foods to heighten the senses, to using ties, tapes or other “household essentials” to add a touch of bondage. Here are a few ideas to get you started:

  • Blindfold Foreplay: Blindfolds are simple, effective and erotic. Adding a blindfold to your play time will heighten every touch, taste, lick, or feeling experienced by your partner. You can stroke your partner’s toes, hands, back, stomach, legs, breasts, genitals and neck to arouse sexual desires. Everyday items like scarves or similar items can adequately cover the eyes to enable a more unique experience.
  • Take A Bath Together: Not just any regular bath — set the mood with candlelight and some soft music. Add a blindfold and something cold like ice cubes or ice cream to the mix. Clean your partner with the blindfold on, adding the ice cream to his/her lips and use your fingers and tongue to clean your partner’s ice cream-daubed mouth.
  • Add Tasty Foods To Your Foreplay: Add something extra to your sex routine by including delicious food items from the kitchen. Try honey, chocolate, strawberries, grapes or anything you can find to engage the taste buds. Keep away from chili and other irritating things that can spoil the mood. Adding a blindfold will keep your partner’s imagination running wild.
  • Try Restraints: If you don’t have a set of handcuffs laying around, use your imagination and get creative. A silk scarf can also be used to bond your partner’s hands or feet and hold them in place. Try role playing a scene from the movie Fifty Shades of Grey for added eroticism.
  • Pull Out The Sex Toys: Most lifestyle couples have their dildos, vibrators, Sybian machine and various other toys they can count on for some play time fun. Now’s a great time to get them back into your activities to make things more exciting.

Break the monotony and try some new ideas to inject more fun, adventure and intimacy into your sex life. It’s a great way to keep the bond strong between couples when regular house parties and other events aren’t an option.


Shocking Divorce Rates On Swinger Couples

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Sex Positive Couples

Top Benefits of Swinging For Sex Positive Couples

Despite being more prevalent in pop culture, swinging still remains a mysterious lifestyle that seems more like fiction than reality to the average person. However, sex positive couples can benefit tremendously from the swinging lifestyle. From increased trust to a heightened sensual experience, swinging can be a great addition to a healthy and stable relationship. If … Continue reading Top Benefits of Swinging For Sex Positive Couples→


Most couples start swinging for different reasons, but it often comes down to exploring their sexuality in a safe and exciting way. Ever since swinging became more prominent in mainstream culture, many couples have started to talk about the possibilities…

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What Curious Couples Need to Know About BDSM

BDSM lifestyle

If you’re curious about what lifestyle couples involved in BDSM relationships are actually doing behind closed doors, we can only dare venture a few ‘guesses.’ However, that curiosity about the BDSM lifestyle is fairly common, as the Kinsey Institute reports that:

  • 30% of Americans enjoy a bit of spanking in bed
  • 20% have experimented in bondage and restraint play
  • 13% of lifestyle couples delve deeply into flogging and whips

And they wrap that survey up with a rough estimate that more than 80% of Americans admit to fantasizing about being in BDSM relationships. That being said, let’s explore a few basics to fuel your fantasies.

What is BDSM?

A loose acronym for play time terms like bondage/discipline, domination/submission, sadism/masochism, BDSM is ultimately a spectrum term defining ‘power’ relations between lifestyle couples. As a beginner, don’t be too concerned with ‘what’ others do, but focus on what ‘you’ and your willing partner are interested in as you test out the waters.

Have the Talk, Set Boundaries, and Get Educated

Once your partner or partners have agreed to adult playtime endeavors, be sure to set your limits right away (you can expand these as comfort allows). Discuss what ‘toys’ you are willing to dabble in. Will you be tied up? Gagged? Spanked? Will you want accessories?

Regardless, you will want to assign a safe word or bodily indication of when enough is enough. As a novice, you can learn a lot about the BDSM lifestyle through literature, online, watching videos and even checking out educational courses like those at Kinky Academy can be invaluable to newbies.

Easing in to the Lifestyle

By all means, don’t go overboard buying fancy ropes, paddlers and expensive bondage gear right away. Accessories like stockings, ribbons, hairbrushes and such serve as great tools for light spanking and bondage play—and they’re ready whenever the inkling strikes.

If you and your partner are seriously committed, you can likely find like-minded couples near you to explore with, so be bold and live in the present moment!

Sexual Discipline in the Swingers & BDSM Lifestyle Explained

Whether you’re into swinging, BDSM, love being punished or are a mighty dom who appreciates keeping a submissive, the concept of discipline is nothing new to you. However, those just getting into the lifestyle of submissive/dominant relationships, will appreciate this…

As you may already know, “Dominatrix” is a term used to describe a woman that is dominant, be it in a sexual or romantic relationship. Also referred to as a “mistress”, the dominatrix takes the leadership role during sexual intercourse as she dominates the man, who is commonly known as a “slave”. In this case, … Continue reading How to Be a Dominatrix →

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The Benefits of Morning Sex for Lifestyle Swinger Couples


While waking up in the morning to a cup of coffee is the biggest reward to some, having morning sex with your partner is a great way to get your day started. The morning sex drive is very real and experienced by most couples, vanilla or otherwise.

Getting busy in the early morning hours right after you wake has a number of health benefits, and there’s also no denying the perks of an orgasmic day. Let’s explore a few of those remarkable (and scientifically proven) reasons why we indulge in morning sex routinely.

Your Body Is Ready for Action!

That frisky feeling in the AM hours is a real thing! Energy levels are highest in the morning, so no need for the tired excuses. Estrogen and testosterone levels normally peak after waking up, so go with your libido and enjoy some erotic pleasures with your partner. Men often experience a peak in testosterone levels in the wee hours of the morning, while some women estrogen levels peak after a good night of rest. If she is well rested, healthy and happy, then be prepared for gratitude!

Go Harder and Longer in the AM

If a male partner is involved, he’ll likely last a bit longer thanks to that testosterone that’s built up from overnight. Hormones and an active libido are the keys to a great morning sex session for swinger couples and even for some plain vanilla participants.

Relieve Stress and Enjoy the Cuddle Experience

On the flip side of ‘hormones’ is their tendency to cause a bit of stress to linger, so getting in on some early morning action will release some undue stress while activating oxytocin—the cuddle hormone. Getting your head clear and relaxing for a bit with a lover can help put your dominant head in the right place for the day.

It’s a Swinging Sweet Workout

Depending on how serious you take your sex session, you might have the ability to burn some serious calories. While it might not equate to an hour on the treadmill, the average person will likely burn at lease 75 to 100 calories—the equivalent of a nice walk. But having a quickie with that morning sex drive is way more fun that taking a stroll!

Happy Endorphins are Released

Not only do endorphins boost mood, but these little swinger friends also alleviate pain via the release of chemicals. And let’s face it, who wouldn’t prefer to have a bit of sex versus some ibuprofen or pain killers? Many studies support that sex releases dopamine to the brain which also benefits cognition, happiness and brain health.

morning sex

Top Benefits of Swinging For Sex Positive Couples

Despite being more prevalent in pop culture, swinging still remains a mysterious lifestyle that seems more like fiction than reality to the average person. However, sex positive couples can benefit tremendously from the swinging lifestyle. From increased trust to a heightened sensual experience, swinging can be a great addition to a healthy and stable relationship. If … Continue reading Top Benefits of Swinging For Sex Positive Couples→


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Sexting – Tips & Tricks To Keep Your Partner Engaged


Feeling a bit horny when separated from your partner? Give sexting—also known as sex texting—a try!

You don’t need to be a part of a swingers club or in the lifestyle at all to partake in this form of sexy distance play. If you’re a newbie to this form of play, we offer these sexting tips and tricks to keeping it engaging.

Relive a Special Memory Together

Take a fast drive down memory lane by sex texting your lover with a reminder of “that time when” using arousing words. Be specific, but only with the sexy parts. Relive what you loved, and invite your partner to respond with their favorite experiences.

Compliment Your Lover

“Your ___ feels unbelievably delightful.” “You’re the sexiest/best ___ I’ve ever had.” If you’re into swinging, you can mention a specific experience you might have recently had. Being specific with compliments let’s partners know you’re engaged, and they’ll return the favor.

Selectively Send Seductive Photos

Your partner knows how sexy you are, but choosing at least one visual for them to gaze upon while sexting can be intoxicating. However, be sure to ask them to send you a pic ASAP to let them know how urgently you want to see and be with them. Be sure that you only approach this method if you’ve previously sent or consented to photos with one another.

Get a Little Crazy

But not too crazy! What we recommend here is some sultry sex texting about things that may not be exactly feasible routinely in ‘everyday life.’

It’s okay to talk about intimacy against the wall when you know darn well those days are gone. It’s okay to say you’re on the brink of cumming when you aren’t…how about that shower sex vision?

Whether you’re a swinging single on the prowl or have swingers partners in the lifestyle or are in a vanilla relationship, these tips can keep your relationship fresh and promote eagerness for the next sexy encounter.

How To Give An Erotic Massage With Happy Endings

sensual massage

Intimacy is about more than just sex; giving your partner a relaxing sensual massage at home is a great way to connect and tighten the bond you share together. With the right setting and erotic massage techniques, it can guarantee a very happy ending for all participants. The Art of Ambiance Creation for Erotic Massages … Continue reading How To Give An Erotic Massage With Happy Endings→

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The Swingers Lifestyle Top 3 Sexual Fantasies Explored

sexual fantasies

Having sexual fantasies is completely normal, and exploring them in ‘real life’ might be intimidating for a first time indulger. Some of the most common desires individuals want to fulfill include sensual massages, threesomes, domination and submission play, outdoor sex and making intimate videos.

While there are numerous wild and sane fantasies, we’ll address the top three and offer tips to ensure they are fulfilled as ‘safe fantasies.’

1. Domination and Submission Fantasies

Taking an intimate experience to the next level with a bit of sub/dom play is a sexual fantasy that many have. It’s a fun and sensual way to explore the dynamics of power and control in a relationship through bondage, gentle spankings or even rougher play.

Most importantly, it’s essential to have strong communications, lots of trust and word or action that means ‘stop.’ After all, safe fantasies require a bit of preparation in the domination and submission world.

2. Sex in the Great Outdoors

In most parts of the world, public sex is considered illegal, albeit certain bold couples give it a shot. However, some just want to experience intimacy under the stars, in a grassy field, by the ocean or in an outdoor water environment. These options are the best way to stay out of the sight of strangers to play it safe with sane fantasies that won’t result in fines or an arrest.

For a unique (and legal) experience, consider going camping with your partner or even take a group of swinging friends to add some spice to the mix. Outdoor sex is one of the most common sexual fantasies, just be smart about participating.

3. Triple up with a Sexy Threesome

Another fairly common sexual fantasy people have is to have sex with another person along with their partner. Some simply want to watch their partner be intimate with someone else—or both. Threesomes can also give men and women the chance to engage with someone of a gender they typically wouldn’t have sex with.

swinger couples play

Regardless of the motivation behind the fantasy, there are some rules to follow before diving in. Like BDSM participants, communication, trust and boundaries are pivotal. When not handled with care, threesomes can lead to jealousy, anger and even result in broken relationships. Have these discussions beforehand.

While not everyone plans to move forward with the sexy dreams in their mind, some will—and many experts encourage safe fantasies to become actionable. Just go in with an open mind, knowing the potential benefits and drawbacks of all sexual fantasies.

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There tend to be quite a number of acronyms tossed around in the swinging lifestyle…ones that often confuse both novices and experienced swingers. Four such acronyms include: MMF, FFM, MFM and FMF. This isn’t surprising because most three letter acronyms seen in lifestyle ads are specific to a ‘type’ of partner being sought or one … Continue reading FFM, MMF, MFM, FMF…What’s The Difference in Swinging?→

Sexual Fantasies

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