Ask John & Jackie: Being a Unicorn Girlfriend Within the Life-style

We’ve bought TWO burning questions at the moment from our readers:

Query #1

Expensive John & Jackie:

I’m new to the life-style and I’m a unicorn. A pair has expressed wanting me to turn into their girlfriend and to be trustworthy I don’t know what this entails… I’m drawn to each of them however what are the traces with this. I like being a unicorn, I’ve been assembly and connecting with numerous {couples}, however I really feel intoxicated round this couple. I simply don’t know if being their girlfriend is one thing sensible or not.

Unicorn Girlfriend

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Expensive Unicorn Girlfriend,

Welcome to the life-style! As I’m positive you recognize, unicorns within the life-style are an necessary element and identical to with another like minded particular person, all of us simply need to have the ability to categorical ourselves in an genuine method. The great thing about our authenticity is it’s uniqueness. You get to tailor make you and no matter relationship you need. There isn’t a set rule or tips, however are pushed by what brings you peace and contentment.

In case you are on this couple, then it is very important perceive the parameters from either side. What are your expectations? What are theirs? Realizing your boundaries is one other necessity. You by no means wish to hand over your consolation stage due to another person. Chances are you’ll discover this couple intoxicating, however is that this actually what you need? It’s okay if it’s not. With the ability to say Sure and no are each very important to your individual self-worth, which I’m positive you already know.

Do what’s greatest for you.

Jackie

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Query #2

Expensive John & Jackie,

My spouse and I are exploring the life-style. We’re each new to it and my spouse met a person on-line and have/had been speaking. They lastly met after a while and the connection grew to become bodily. The male acknowledged he was in an open relationship along with his spouse. However lengthy of quick it’s been over seven months and he nonetheless has not instructed his “spouse” about her and us (truple) being collectively. Your ideas and opinions could be appreciated.

New to the life-style

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Expensive New to the Life-style,

One factor I seen in your e mail to us was the next, “the male acknowledged he was in an open relationship along with his spouse.” The subsequent sentence then goes on to say, “he has not instructed his spouse about us.” Since you supply me no different clarification as to the breakdown of this man’s “open” relationship along with his spouse, I discover myself suspicious of his motives.

Sure, there are a mess of definitions in relation to how {couples} function inside an open relationship. Some companions are extra participating with others, some wish to be instructed all about their companion’s play companions, and nonetheless others don’t wish to know a factor. You sound uncertain which choice if any of them your male play companion falls underneath.

The factor is, no matter this man’s actions, the place you really want to focus your consideration is on the boundaries you and your spouse have set in place. It’s not a lot whether or not this man is taking part in with or with out the consent of his companion (which if he isn’t then that sucks) however whether or not you wish to play with somebody that leaves you questioning. For those who and your spouse are uncomfortable with the scenario then it’s your accountability to talk up.

Realizing and honoring the boundaries you and your spouse have set, as an illustration, “we aren’t going to play with others who are usually not actively revealing play data to their companion” is an empowering gesture the 2 of you make within the safety of your values. Being clear about intentful play can also be a technique to present respect to one another and to potential play companions.

For those who’re uncertain about this man’s conduct then ask him. If the reply doesn’t fall consistent with your individual play boundaries, don’t shrink back from saying so. Higher the 2 of you get pleasure from playtime with others from the standpoint of peace, then to interact with those that depart you questioning. Studying to set boundaries is a course of, be affected person with yourselves as you turn into extra seasoned in your open relationship.

Keep in mind this questioning of others isn’t about blame or anger, however of the intentful accountability the 2 of you may have accepted in making a tailor made partnership with one another. Chances are you’ll even be an exquisite instance to this man of how lovely a really open and trustworthy relationship could be.

You’ve bought this!

Jackie